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Accept Ourselves as Perfect, Even When We Feel Imperfect

“What we do not realize is that within each one of us is an unlimited source of both male and female energy. So many of our problems arise because we are either ignorant of, or we suppress, what we have within us.” (Lama Yeshe: An Introduction to Tantra, edited by Jonathan Landaw c. 2014, pp 18-19).

Wow!  If I had grown up surrounded with this belief, my struggles and confusion would have been less. You see, I was born into a female body and have always identified as being female. I’m not sure if I can even describe exactly what that means, but it feels true to me – yup I am all female!  That sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?

BUT I was born in the 1960’s and came of age during the Woman’s Liberation movement.  I reveled in doing things and dressing in ways that had been deemed boys only.  I vividly remember the year girls were first allowed to wear pants to school, and while I still enjoyed stylish “girly” dresses and ribbons in my hair, jewelry and begging my mom to wear heals, I was also drawn to jeans, flannel shirts and sneakers – my definite go-to-happy-place that continues to this day. I excelled in math and lost my first boyfriend because I beat him in bowling – and admonished by other girls for not being feminine enough. Why couldn’t I be a “true girl” and still prefer playing football in the street with the boys to giggling with the other 14-year-old girls as they swooned over pictures of the latest celebrity heartthrobs?

Through embracing Tantra beliefs we learn to accept ourselves as perfect, even when we feel imperfect, or others suggest that we aren’t “enough.” We learn that however the Divine Feminine (opening through the expression of feelings and emotion) and Divine Masculine (opening through discipline and being the strength to create the safe container in which the Divine Feminine can show up) emerge for each of us, it is perfect.  

It is through this acknowledgment, this acceptance of ourselves and of each other with our similarities and unique traits, that we find peace, that we find true joy.  

Please join us for the Intimate Puja Circle (find the next one here) where we will have opportunities to tap into and express our particular flavors of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. We will acknowledge and celebrate how each shows up in our lives, how each serves us, and where we hold back. In this gender-free puja we will look beyond the bodies we are housed in and seek to uncover our true nature.

Love,
​​​​​​​Lydia Carbone

 

Lydia Carbone, MSW started “dabbling in tantra” about 15 years ago. Having been exposed to a variety of teachers with varying perspectives, she is honored to have connected with Robyn Vogel and completed the Love U Leadership Training.  “As we deepen our appreciation for the perfection of each moment, we enter the cycle of opening our hearts to each other and ourselves and radiating that love to the universe. Leading Intimate Puja Circles is a wonderful vehicle for keeping that energy flowing.”

 


What it Takes to Be in, Stay in & Continue in Relationship

My wife, Carol, and I have been together for a long time and we’ve been through some good times and some bad.  In thinking about how we keep our relationship healthy, I came up with what seem like several key ingredients.

The first is that we keep working on ourselves.  Through doing our own individual personal growth work we have come to realize that when we’re upset about something the upset is not only about what’s going on right now but also about the million other times it reminds us of.  It can be hard but doing personal growth work helps me to minimize blaming her and take responsibility for how I’m creating whatever upset I’m feeling.  We like to use breathwork because conscious breathing is really effective at freeing up tension and constriction in the body where we hold old wounds that turn into defensive patterns.

Another thing we’ve done is to do some couple’s workshops and even couples counseling during hard times.  We particularly like the Imago work of Harville Hendrix, and we use Imago dialogs when we talk about our upsets.  Imago dialogs start with mirroring (saying back what you hear your partner say so they feel heard) and adds a series of questions, like “What are you afraid of?”, “What does this remind you of?” and “What do you yearn for?”.  I’ve learned that taking turns in this process challenges me to sit with my upset until it’s my turn to speak, and often by the time it’s my turn I’ve lost some of the upset because seeing the vulnerability in Carol makes it hard to blame or be angry with her (by the way, go watch Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability).

Another thing that feels important in our relationship is spending quality time together.  We meditate for 15 minutes together each morning and we schedule date nights two or three times each month.  As we’ve gotten to the empty nest phase of life we’ve discovered that some activities are not to be shared (I don’t like her musical theater and she doesn’t like my guitar jams) but it does feel important to do creative or fun projects together sometimes.  We took Gary Chapman’s Love Languages online quiz and discovered that Carol’s love language is spending quality time together and mine is touch.   So we try to give each other the kind of love that we crave.

Most recently we’ve been working on sexual dynamics in the relationship.  That seems to be one of the harder ones for us.  Lots of shame and wounding!  But we’ve found Human Awareness Institute (HAI) and Robyn’s puja weekends to be helpful, as well as some structure from exercises like those in Margot Anand’s The Art of Sexual Ecstasy.  And lots of breathwork and Imago dialogs!

Guest blog from Paul Phillips, a member of the Love U Come Back to Love® community.


Oopses & Ouches — How to say “Sorry”

~ Guest article by Rayellen Kishbach

We’ve all done it. Messed up. Sometimes it’s an oops that causes an ouch. Sometimes it’s a whopper of a mistake and real damage/harm has been caused. Sometimes we know we did it. Sometimes it has to be pointed out to us that we hurt someone.

Regardless, defending, minimizing and blaming are strategies ego uses to keep us from feeling the pain we’ve caused. What if we could have a more heart-full way to deal with our own mistakes? In this article, I demonstrate a simple process of apologizing for a minor offense — some place where I’ve missed the mark, hurt someone’s feelings, stuck my foot in my mouth, and want to come back into connection. If the mistake is something that caused significant damage or harm, the process is more involved, and I invite you to read my article about that.

Let’s start with an actual “Oops…Ouch…Sorry” conversation from my life, just the words:

Me: <Opens mouth, inserts foot>

Them: “I didn’t like the way you said that. It felt demeaning.”

Me: “Thanks for letting me know that. I can see I just said something that felt demeaning to you. Can you tell me specifically what felt yucky?”

Them: “Yes, that word is loaded and it made me feel unwelcome here. I thought you were nicer than that.”

Me: “I can see how you felt unwelcome. I am sorry I hurt you, and thank you for teaching me. Is there anything I can offer you?”

Next, let’s peel a layer back, and see what is going on inside my head during this conversation, because this is a lifelong learning:

Me: <Opens mouth, inserts foot, sees stunned silence, micro-grimace, change in expression of them, which clues me into the fact that I just “oopsed” even if I don’t quite know what was hurtful or offensive. Intentionally brings pause to the conversation to allow awareness, considers asking what just happened, then get’s saved because this brave being was willing to actually speak up…>

Them: <after silent shift in expression or body language and some space in the conversation to make room…>. “I didn’t like the way you said that. It felt demeaning.” <Note, that some speakers who aren’t skilled in things like NVC might say this in a way that is more charged, and includes “you” language>

Me: <Busy mind/ego runs through the “roladex” and considers using each of the learned and ineffective behaviors of defending, gaslighting, negating, making a joke out of it, telling them they are being sensitive, making it about me, and then remembers there’s a better choice and respond. Heart chooses love and speaks instead of mind/ego being the spokesperson> “Thanks for letting me know that. I can see I just said something that felt demeaning to you. Can you tell me specifically what felt yucky?” <really listen>

Them: “Yes, that word is loaded and it made me feel unwelcome here.”

Me: <notice facial experssions and body language and see that this person is experiencing suffering they would not be experiencing had I not just said that thing. stay in heart. gratitude: how lucky I am that this person feels safe *enough* with me to be my teacher. be the student. be available to be coached…> “I can see how you felt unwelcome. I am sorry I hurt you, and thank you for teaching me. Is there anything I can offer you?”

And the SIMPLE components are these:

Here’s a few things NOT to do:

  • Don’t make it about you. Don’t ramble on about what a great person you are and how they misunderstood you. And definitely don’t ask them to comfort your ouchy feelings in this moment.
  • Don’t make it about being right. You don’t have to agree with someone to BELIEVE and EMPATHIZE with their feelings. There may be a time in the future to clear up the facts, for now, since they are in upset, let it be about empathizing with their feelings.
  • INTENT is overruled by IMPACT. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to hurt them. What matters is that they are feeling hurt. Saying “I didn’t mean to” is NOT an apology, it’s a way of escaping blame. You did a thing. They feel hurt. Focus on the impact and see how your intention missed the mark and you are lucky to get this invitation to refinement.
  • Don’t indulge catastrophication (I think I made that word up?) Even if, in YOUR mind, their upset seems out of proportion with the offense, just stay steady in your intention to be love, and to be a person of integrity. Let them have the full range of emotional intensity that is true for them.
  • REALLY: Be GRATEFUL for this opportunity for growth. Consider that if this person had zero intention of staying in growthful connection with you, or if they already experienced you as a person unwilling to take feedback, they probably wouldn’t have wasted the energy to point out the oops. 

Finally, Thich Nat Hahn has a very simple question we can ask after a session where someone has shared something really tender with us. I like to hear this question when I’ve taken the time and energy it takes to express an ouch. Very simply, ask “Do you feel I’ve understood you well enough?”

Rayellen Kishbach is part of Come Back To Love’s Love U mentorship program, and founder of GraceWorks Guidance & Gatherings. Rayellen embodies a keen interest in helping individuals, partners and poly tribes find and move from their own wisdom. She is deeply involved in wellness and personal growth work in the areas of sexuality, healing shame, and opening to love. This includes serving as an intern with the Human Awareness Institute. In these capacities, Rayellen is a patient and culturally sensitive listener with a mind and heart open to celebrating connection, choice and consent. www.listening-to-grace.com   https://www.facebook.com/listeningtograce


One Tantric Remedy to Relieve Stress Now

Are you tired? Have you been going and going nonstop this year? When was the last time you made love with your partner (or yourself?)?

I’m going to teach you the most valuable tool for handling stressReady? STOP.

Yes, you read correctly – STOP.

It’s an energetic thing. It is not easy to slow down when the world around you is moving faster than the speed of light. It is not simple or you would not be tired.  And the exercise below it is not what you think — it is deeper, and more subtle, and wayyyy more powerful.

Being present and “in the moment” has become very cliche but few people have actually had an experience where all that exists in their mindbody and heart is this moment, or this breath. It is a practice but it also requires a great deal of mental stamina ‘not’ to think about the past or the future. Most of us bring the past and the future right into our present moment – usually filled with some fear or anxiety.

If you are living in the northeast these days, you have been bombarded with the inconvenience of snow, narrow roads, traffic, cancelations, rescheduling. Most people are feeling claustrophobic, stir crazy and down-right depressed. Most people are feeling stressed and thinking about spring and warm weather.

This Tantric remedy for stress will bring you peace and deep relaxation.

It is an experience. Ready?

You see I have a tendency to put out a lot of energy. I am passionate about my life, my children, my work — pretty much anything I put my heart into, I am passionate about. And I learned early on to put energy out but what I did not learn was how to replenish that energy. And that leads to exhaustion, fatigue, over eating, under sleeping, and being out of balance.

Here is how to actually STOP (my teacher Dawn Cartwright taught this to me — I believe the roots are in Osho’s teachings.)

Practice the following steps below and trust me, they do work:

#1.  Sit down and take 3 long deep breaths. As you breathe in, gather your energy up — bring it all back inside you.  You do not have to know what I mean — just hold the intention and it will work.

#2.  When you feel yourself more connected to your core, take a few more breaths— in through your crown chakra (top of your head) and bring your breath down through your body all the way to your feet. Do that a few times.

#3.  Now you are invited to practice STOP by doing the following very slowly as if part of a walking meditation:  walk from room to room keeping a soft gaze; stop at the entrance to each room before entering and tell yourself STOP. Stand at the doorway, breathing deeply and come to a place where your entire body does not feel like it’s going in to the room or coming out of the room.  Just stand there, still, with no place to go – not forward, not backward. Just STOP. Breathe.

#4.  Practice #3 above in every room in your house.

#5.  Do this every day for a week and let me know how you feel.

When you feel overwhelmed, busy, tired, and wondering how you’re going to get everything accomplished — remember STOP. It’s a life-saver! Truly.


5 Tools to Overcome Self Doubt and Come Back To Self Love

In the 20 years of leading workshops and guiding couples back to a place of loving connection, I’ve come to learn that there are certain skills one needs to learn to create lasting successful change inside and out.  

I have also been able to see and understand the roadblocks: what gets in the way of love and deep connection.  One of my areas of expertise is taking apart the puzzle, going deep and seeing/feeling what’s really going on beneath the surface.

And I also do the same for myself.  

Flashback two years when suddenly people started asking me if I was going to offer a training so serious practitioners, students, could learn what’s going on behind the scenes of the Intimate Puja Circles I lead – and learn how to do it themselves.  I made a mental note but did nothing about it.

Fast forward two years (or 18 months) and more people were asking and still I kept putting it aside.  Lo and behold, SELF DOUBT was rearing its head!

What’s a Come Back To Love coach to do? —-> Figure out how to deal with self-doubt and come back to self-love.  

First, I want to say that these deep feelings — that began in childhood — they can be insidious.  They can impact us physically, emotionally, energetically…and even spiritually. Mine did! I got a cold, a virus actually — keep reading to see what I did!

Here’s a snapshot of the most valuable tools to relieve self-doubt and come back to self LOVE.  

  1. Create space for slowing down to notice. I will always say that meditation is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  Meditation provides you the space to pause — take a break from your busy day – and check in with YOU.  You can take it deeper of course into the spiritual realm but as a start, it can be a defined time for mindfulness.
  2. Witness your feelings, thoughts and sensations. While you’re in that quiet place of meditation, this is the time to invite a sense of curiosity — so you know what is going on inside. This is the time to get intimate with yourself.  To know yourself better. If self-doubt comes up, invite it forward (be with the sensation, rather than trying to push it away).
  3. Use your imagination and ask yourself some questions: What does your self-doubt look like?  What color, what texture, what size, shape, etc.  Get to know your self-doubt. Keep acknowledging body sensations and breathing.  Stay with yourself. Move slowly. I know these may seem like weird questions but basically you are inviting this part of yourself forward so you can deal with it.
  4. Allow the self-doubt to show you where it started. We all had childhood experiences that took us out of love and into self-doubt.  Finding out what happened and when will help you heal the past. Sometimes just naming it and sharing the story with a trusted friend, or therapist, will help.  Other times you need to do deeper work to heal and move through the difficulty.

In my case, I had so many early experiences of my parents shaming me for being smart, doing the right thing, getting good grades.  They weren’t trying to shame me — but it happened. So self-doubt showed up bright and clear when I started to step into the next phase of my business – the training!  

Once I went through steps 1 through 4 above, I got another ‘hit’ of a situation that needed healing.  Doing the healing work is beyond the scope of this article but doing the formative work above will give you the clarity about what’s going on and what your next steps are.  Let me know if you want to discuss further.

I use a simple tapping (back and forth, left and right) to move through painful feelings.  I recently led an example of that on FB here.

There are always many opportunities to come back to love with yourself.  We spent a week looking closely at judgment and today’s article brings you tools to use to shift self-doubt when it shows up.   

You want to become a master of YOU.  Whether you are in relationship or not, is not really the point – because no matter what it’s YOU that needs to be loved…from YOU.  To YOU.

The work that I do not only supports you in looking at the past and what’s ready to be healed but also what is happening in the present that is holding you back…from loving yourself, and from having the best relationship in your life, too (if that is what you choose).


What Torch Are You Carrying?

Greetings from the Sonoma Ashram in California.  It’s a beautiful place to breathe deeply, go inside and pay attention to how I am being with myself.  How deeply am I loving myself?  What parts of me need even more love?

This is from Shadow Work ® – a powerful healing journey that I use to access parts of me that are a bit buried but still wreaking havoc.  “We love all the time and we can’t stop (loving) because it’s who we are.  And when we love someone and lose them in some way, we feel the pain of that loss, and we find a way to keep that lost loved one with us by carrying something painful for them.  We carry a torch for them.  We memorialize them.”

This is one explanation as to why we behave in certain ways that remain perplexing to us.  It also explains why we haven’t manifested or experienced things we really want!  Like financial abundance, a lasting relationship, that perfect job.

These shadows show up in our adult lives often in ways that are destructive or obstacles to our living our lives to the fullest.

We are loyal to a fault at times.  We continue to carry the torch our parents or grandparents held even if it wasn’t a healthy one for them – and not a healthy one for us.

What torch are you still carrying that you are ready to put down soon?

I’ve been carrying hidden beliefs about money that came from my maternal grandfather who worked at 3 am in the “meat district” in Manhattan.  Earning money meant working as hard as possible – blood, sweat and tears. And even then….it was never enough.  Baked goods were our treats; and the meat he brought to fill our freezer was like gold.

I also find some hidden beliefs from my father.  We had years as a kid that he was out of work and there was fear.  He lived beyond his means later on in his life….it meant there was some shame about money.

I’ve been putting these torches down for a while but I still find them “in Shadow” — however, I’m preparing to put them out once and for all.   <3  #blessed

Again – what torch are you carrying that you may be ready to put down soon?

 


Imagine a society where the highest value was your relationship with yourself?

The relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important relationships you will ever have during your lifetime.  And even though we spend 100% of our time with ourselves, this relationship tends to be difficult…challenging.

Our society places a lot of value on external relationships; judging others for whether they are “in relationship​ with someone else​” or not​; ​someone else other than yourself​ or God.

(Gosh imagine a society where the focus was on your relationship with God as the primary goal and intention in life?  To cultivate that to the nines and value your life in terms of how that relationship was going…how good your communication was…how much sacred intimate time you spend together and how that does or doesn’t meet your needs?  But I digress…)

Okay though – let’s bring that last side bar above to the present relationship with YOU; between you and you.

What ​is your primary goal ​for your relationship with yourself?

What IS your intention for your relationship with yourself?  Are you communicating well?  Are you spending sacred intimate time with yourself and if so, how is that going?  ​Are you being kind, respectful, loving?  ​

I just had the first (almost) free weekend in about a year (no joke).  Circumstances​, ​snow storms, canceled clients, etc – and I ended up with ​almost no​ plans on FridaySaturday and Sunday.  ​Free time ​is something I have been craving (along with ​the ​spac​e​ to continue writing my book) and it was interesting to see what showed up​ instead.

Instead of pure, spa-like relaxation, I found some anxiety​, antsy-ness.  I found myself going through motions of old patterns that started when I was quite young.  I watched my mind – which went to town about things I was concerned with or unhappy about.

After some time it was really amusing!  But that’s because I’ve cultivated enough space between my thoughts and the ability to witness myself that I was able to SEE what was going on…

I was able to stop the thoughts, consciously choose what I wanted to do and laugh at myself. 
​ 
​I recently learned some new language that I’ll share with you.  In this example of what happened over my weekend, I moved between 3 different “minds.”  The ​first one is called “Emotional Mind” — and this is like a speeding train.  It’s when the mind distorts things and your emotions run wild.  This is not when your feelings are high because of something truly happening.  This is the mind doing what the mind does…taking you on a journey.

The second “mind” is called “Reasonable Mind.”  This is how it sounds.  This was me when I became aware that I was in “Emotional Mind” and stopped myself (got off the moving train).

The third “mind” is called “Wise Mind” and this is the feeling and experience you have when you’re in the flow.  When you are tuned in, aware of your intuition, following your inner guidance.  This is the “mind” I am in when I am teaching, leading, writing, working with clients, with my children…

The Lesson here is to notice.  Bring mindfulness to your thoughts and actions and notice what you are doing.  I moved myself out of “Emotional Mind” by pausing and asking myself to stop and in essence come back to “Reasonable Mind.”

It’s not always easy to bring awareness to places there typically hasn’t been, but it’s helpful to bring tools in to use and practice.  In this case, you can ask yourself, “What mind am I in right now?”  That question will give you some distance and then the ability to make a choice.

So although this article today is about being alone and what comes up for you…it’s very much about how to develop an excellent, loving, respectful relationship with YOU.  Getting to know yourself better and using healthy tools to soothe yourself, or to make conscious healthy decisions for yourself, are vital.

​Anyway, ​later I was able to enjoy being alone with myself.  I meditated, did yoga, went for a fabulous walk in the woods, wrote ​more of ​my book and ended the whole weekend by taking my daughter to dinner and watching the Academy Awards with her.

How do you feel when you are alone​ and how have you been relating with yourself lately? ​


Let’s Remove the Obstacles to Intimacy in Your Life!

Are you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected?

Single and touch deprived?  Feeling the need to share and have someone listen really deeply to you?

Ready to discover what it feels like to experience pleasure, passion, joy, and laughter ​again?

BUT JUST CAN’T FIND THE TIME?  

Allowing other things to get in your way?

The simple, exquisite process of ​intimacy (or into-me-you-see) starts ​from ​within—and ultimately transforms every area of your life​. ​

The kind of intimacy that nourishes every cell in your body and soul brings you a feeling of joy and peace from deep within. It is the kind of love story you read about, but typically feel like “that’s for everyone else and not for me.”  Well, today’s article will show you the clear path – three simple steps – you can take right now to unlock your heart​, CREATE THE SPACE ​and bring you back to deep love and divine connection with your lover, your friends and your family.

Showing up for something new where you know you’re going to ​TAKE RISKS to be ​your authentic self takes courage.

Unlock Step #1: Create ​A Sacred Space in Your Home Tonight

Twenty-five years ago I started spending a ​lot of amount of time at ​Kripalu.  The healing I did there was profound but when I came home, it got lost in the ​shuffle of my busy life.  I got distracted by my endless “to-do” list, my work, my son, cleaning the house, etc.  Almost anything could distract me from sitting quietly and connecting deeply with myself.  Until I create a sacred space for myself​ – and then my life changed.  ​

At the time I was living in a tiny apartment in the city and did not have any extra rooms to light candles in or meditate in. What did I do? I set up a small table in the corner of the dining room (of all places!) and every single morning I sat down at that table, lit a candle, and meditated. ​ I created a space for INTIMACY WITH MYSELF.  ​

You can create a sacred space just for you (or for you and your beloved) anywhere in your home.  This​ would​ ​become ​your space to breathe, meditate, do yoga, journal; connect with yourself, your partner and the Universe.  Give yourself the gift of 5-10 minutes (more is better but even a few minutes is fabulous) to come back to your heart.

Unlock Step #2: Speak Your Truth
​​​​​​​

Speaking your truth is ​sometimes ​harder than it sounds​.  ​

Most of us when we grow up are taught to hide the truth.  Not to be so bold and honest for fear of hurting someone else’s feelings, right? ​​​ However, not speaking the truth ​eventually​ erodes ​the very core​ of our being​; our sense of self and our confidence. Suddenly we don’t know who we are anymore.

​Creating more intimacy in your life means sharing who you are; your essence.  And your words express who you are.  ​Speak your truth – share your true opinions, your clear desires, your discerning needs, your thoughts, feelings…all of it.  Start small – choose someone close to you who is also on a personal growth path.  Practice, get feedback and get good at it.  Then try with others​ who you are less comfortable with​.  Don’t let your hiding get in the way.  Intimacy means allowing people to see who you truly are (and you, them.)

Unlock Step #3: Assume Everyone Is Doing Their Best

How often do you hear people taking something personally. The doctor was late and it was an affront to you; the guy speeding on the highway is “out to get me” — even the weather can be a perpetrator!

My experience is that most people feel this way. They grow up wondering why the world is against them and take most things that happen personally.  Making a shift to assuming everyone is doing their best and not out to get you brings you to a deep place of love, acceptance and forgiveness. 

In some ways this is not an easy task.  You will need to find a way to remind yourself but believe me the practice is well worth it!  The next time you find yourself wondering why the traffic light at the corner hates you, or the impending storm has your number, take a breath, remind yourself that the Universe is good and actually has your back (whether you believe that or not) and assume everyone around you is doing their best, that none of these things are personal to you (the world doesn’t revolve around us which is the good news!).
​​​​​​​
If you truly believe this, you will ​easily ​create more ​intimacy​ in your life than you ever thought possible. These three steps to unlock your path to intimacy ​are life-changing.

Being seen and known for who you truly are is one of our deepest human needs. Join me in opening your heart to the constant state of love that is possible and unlock the path to true intimacy in your life.

​Give yourself the gift of time, and intention to make space for intimacy.  Invite your partner, or friend to share openly and honestly.  Find the right environment where you can get your touch needs met.  Create a sacred space in your home to ground, and connect with yourself.  You won’t regret it!


Seeing the Beloved in Everyone – Part 2

This article is the second one of a series on seeing the Beloved in Everyone (you can read Part 1 here)

Do you have to BELIEVE that everyone you come across with is a potential life partner? Or best friend?  Or lover, beloved in order for this practice to work?

Well, YES.  But also NO.  In some way, this is a “fake it ’til you make it” practice.  Because OF COURSE you don’t fully believe that everyone in the workshop room is potential lover of yours.  Not if you ask and respond with your mind, with your thinking/assessing/judging mind.

But if it were really, 100% true?  Then what?  How would you act in that room?  How would you feel about yourself?  Would you:

  • Feel more relaxed?  Less anxious about making a connection with someone?
  • Stop worrying that all the good ones are taken and know that “yours” is right around the corner?
  • Feel exuberant, ecstatic, gleeful that everyone you meet in that space was an opportunity for something interesting to occur?  
  • Feel confident to initiate a conversation, ask for what you want? 
  • Say “no” with ease?  And “yes” with ease?

The thing is that we are all invited to Be Love in every moment; we are “charged” with it.  But something stops us.  We worry about being judged, we’re afraid people aren’t going to like us, we are afraid of being honest, we get scared, etc.

When you’re surrounded by love (which this practice brings right to you), you become who you truly are….because there is no reason to be anybody else!  No need to impress, to say the right thing, to pretend to be someone you’re not.

So again…

I invite you to continue practicing seeing the beloved in everyone. When you jump to judgment or assessment of someone else, you are immediately taken out of love.  This will immediately block you from getting the love you want in your life.

Fake it till you make it….and you WILL MAKE IT.  ​

For those of you that come to the Intimate Puja Circles, how does this help you frame them differently? 

Do this for an entire day and then SHARE on our FB page what you notice​!  I’d love to hear from you!  ​


Seeing the Beloved in Everyone – Part 1

What if instead of looking around a workshop (or online even before it starts), or at an event you’re at, or party you were invited to, and deciding there’s no one there you’re attracted to, no “mate material,” no one there you want to have sex with…what if…

INSTEAD — you saw EVERYONE AS A POTENTIAL LIFE PARTNER???  How would that be for you?

Imagine walking into a room of 100 people, half of them the gender you’re attracted to and knowing deep in your heart that all of them are possible life partners, soul mates, dating prospects, lovers?

How cool would that be?

This article is the first one of a series on seeing the Beloved in Everyone.  Tantra is about seeing and experiencing the divine in yourself first; and understanding that everyone you come into contact with a reflection for you.

The practices we do bring us a deeper love – for ourselves; and the ability to then attract more love to you whether that be with a new partner or your current one.

Some Tantric principles that apply here:

1. We are all divine beings.
2. We reflect each others’ divinity.
3. Truthfully, we are all one aspect of God (but that gets more complex than we are talking about here).
4. Love is the path to awakening.
5. Transformation and awakening happen at a speedier rate when you’re in relationship. 
6. Everyone you meet is love but is struggling with the past (traumas and fears).
7. Our duty as awakened beings is to bring love wherever we go.

I invite you right now, today, to practice seeing the beloved in everyone.  Seriously, later today when you go to the grocery store – as you walk in the door – repeat after me, “Everyone in this supermarket is a potential lover” (even if you’re in relationship, practice this).

For those of you that come to the Intimate Puja Circles, how would that change them for you? 

Do this for an entire day and then PLEASE WRITE on our FB page what you noticed?  This is LIFE CHANGING.  Seriously.