Can we talk about your sex life?
Instead of keeping track of how much (or how little) sex you are having, or how many climaxes you have when you do have sex, how about we talk about how to raise the bar on how juicy, exciting, and mind-blowing your sex is when you do have it (either with yourself or with a partner.)
Every day I receive phone calls, emails or social media communications from men and women asking, “Is this all there is? I know there must be more to sex than this!”
Whether you’re partnered or not, sexual activities get stagnant after a while. Humans like consistency, rhythm and schedules. However, sexual expression not only prefers, but needs, the opposite — mystery, spontaneity and creative adventure. Enter Energetic Sex.
Believe it or not, you can have sex without physical touch. You can have sex, feel ripples of pleasure, reach that peak with yourself or a partner, without using your hands, your mouth or any body part for that matter. And no, I’m not talking about using a vibrator.
You can become aroused, raise your sexual energy, have climaxes and even ejaculate using subtle and powerful energy only. Pretty amazing, huh? And let me tell you, it’s more exciting than you can possibly imagine and has the potential to be deeply transformative and healing.
What exactly is Energetic Sex?
More specifically, Energetic Sex is the practice of using your energy body to communicate with your partners’ energy body. Take a moment now to imagine that outside of your physical body you have an invisible energy body. Imagine your physical body sitting inside of a bubble about one-to-two feet away from your physical body. Inside that bubble is your energy body. Your energy body has always been involved in your love-making, of course, it’s just that in the case of regular physical sex, you are not focused specifically on using your energy as a source of arousal, chakra opening, or climax.
What about gender or feminine/masculine and Energetic Sex?
When we practice Energetic Sex, one of us takes on the masculine aspect and the other takes on the feminine aspect; this has nothing to do with genitals or gender, or sexual identity. To put this simply, we all have masculine aspects of ourselves and we all have feminine aspects. The inner masculine and feminine aspects need to be in a healthy balanced relationship internally before we are able to create a healthy sustainable relationship externally. Energetic Sex has the potential to balance these two internal aspects of ourselves.
How do I begin my practice of Energetic Sex?
To begin your practice, choose which of you will be the “masculine energy” and which will be the “feminine energy.” Simply put, the masculine energy will be focused, powerful, steady, direct, initiating, penetrating and deeply loving. The feminine aspect will be receptive, surrendered, open, in the flow, full of light and deeply loving.
How do I have Energetic Sex? What do I have to do to experience this ecstasy?
This deep spiritual practice has the capacity to powerfully support you in generating a beautiful alive relationship on the outside and a peaceful feeling on the inside.
Once you’ve established the masculine/feminine, choose a space in your home that is private and sacred. Light a candle, perhaps put on some music and choose how much time you will spend together.
Sit face-to-face and start by gazing into each others’ eyes. Breathe in and out together and bring a heightened sense of awareness to your partner and all that you appreciate and love.
Bring your awareness to your root chakra, your genitals, your yoni (female sacred spot) and lingham (male for wand of light.) Breathe deeply bringing your breath up from your root chakra, squeeze your pelvic floor muscles and allow the breath to travel to the top of your head (crown chakra.) After several minutes of breathing together in this way, change your breathing pattern to inhaling twice through your nose while squeezing your pelvic floor twice…followed by a long, slow exhalation and release of your pelvic floor (try the breathing and the pelvic floor exercise separately at first if this seems too challenging).
Monitor cues of arousal. What do you notice happening in your body?
Now move closer together perhaps sitting in Yab Yum where the woman is sitting on the lap of her partner. Breathe together alternating inhaling and exhaling (one of you breathes in, while the other breathes out.) As you add this powerful practicebegin rocking your pelvis forward and back with your breath.
Imagine, without touching, that your partner is moving towards being inside you (especially the feminine aspect.)
Alternatively, imagine without touching, that you want to be inside your partner (especially the masculine aspect).
Increase your breath, make sounds, increase your movement raising energy in your body while sending that energy to your partner in the form of orgasmic energy. Continue powerfully breathing and awakening every cell in your body. Squeeze and release the pelvic floor. As you exhale, make a sound, or a sigh.
Sit with your partner and allow yourself to make love without touching. See/feelyourself inside her, moving slowly, teasing her, tasting her, arousing her. See/feel him moving inside you. Slowly, lovingly, powerfully, steadily, penetrating you with that beautiful solid masculine love.
Continue for as long as you want, letting the energy rise and fall, and then rise again. Use your breath, invite your body to expand and contract the way it does when it’s aroused. Reaching a climactic peak is optional; you may need to practice several times. But believe me, you’ll get it! Enjoy the experience, enjoy the energy and surrender to the experience. It’s perfect just the way it is.
How do I practice Energetic Sex solo?
The solo practice of Energetic Sex is fairly similar to practicing with a partner. The breathing, sound and movement described above are done in your meditation. Squeezing the pelvic floor and using a powerful breath will begin to raise your sexual life-force energy.
At this point you have three choices: 1) continue focusing on your own body and your energy and watch it raise towards climax; 2) bring your attention to the earth and take on the divine feminine aspect and the earth becomes masculine; envision the energetic penetration of the all-powerful earth energies penetrating you for pleasure and healing; 3) make love with the divine bringing Spirit inside you with the depth of love that is there for you always. Most of all, be creative and stay present.
There is more pleasure available to you than you realize. Learning and practicing making love with the subtle energies in your body will open up your capacity for play, healing, deep intimacy and a divine connection that you are longing for. Enjoy!
Robyn Vogel, MA, LMHC is a psychotherapist, certified sex coach sex educator, and creator of Come Back To Love, Inc®. Robyn marries traditional psychological principles with spiritual tantric philosophy and practice. She teaches couples and individuals how to master the skills of intimacy and come back to love. Those that are struggling in relationship, feeling lost around love, and deeply craving purposeful and passionate connection gain much insight and healing in their work with Robyn. For 15 years she’s been teaching and practicing tantra as a foundational meditation practice that grounds her clients from within, removes obstacles to loving deeply and teaches all aspects of a healthy sustainable relationship.