What an unexpected series of events these past several months. For me, the unexpected began almost a year ago now that I think about it. I took a trip to Denmark and Sweden which just the trip itself was unexpected (and such a joy.) Greeting each day with no plans whatsoever except to follow my heart was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself.
On the anniversary of that trip (as FB reminded me), I have spent time reflecting on this last 12 months. What a journey – everything from an unexpected health challenge my son has been facing (toxic mold exposure) to a shift in the way I was working (with lots of time literally doing nothing and this was way before the pandemic!) and then a pandemic, quarantine and racial revolution.
If there is one thing I have learned in full force it’s how to navigate intense feelings.
We learn how to be with – or not be with – our feelings when we are children. Bruce Lipton says, and I agree, that we learn almost everything before age 6 about how to be in the world. We develop subconscious patterns from all that we pick up from those that raise us. Scary, I know!
I learned to avoid feelings, deny and abandon myself when it gets touch and do what was expected of me (good girl syndrome.)
Despite a life journey of recovery from this plight, I know that I still find ways to distract myself when the feelings get “too” intense.
But when I reflect back on the past 4 months, and even the past 12 months, I see how my self LOVE (and self CARE) has grown so much. The time I have taken to really be with myself – beginning on that trip to Copenhagen July 2019 – leading to a more forced slowing down in March has really served me well.
The challenges I have dealt with including the death of a good friend (not covid) I have held sacredly….slowly, with the love and respect I deserve. With that my body is feeling better than it has a in a very long time. Hip pain is almost gone altogether and I’m healthier in many ways.
I feel privileged and lucky to live in a place where I have what I need to not only survive this, but thrive. If you really knew me, you’d know that I don’t miss the large social gatherings (or even the small ones.) Weird, huh?
I know I will enjoy it when I see you. When I lead my first in-person workshop again. When I look into your eyes. In the meantime, I’m being with what is….and practicing LOVE in a deeper way than ever.
I’m grateful for that.
How has it been for you?